Saturday, December 04, 2010
LIBERATION
So, my exams are over. Let me have a moment to proclaim my joy. EXAMS ARE OVER WOOHOOOOOOOOOO OH BEAUTIFUL DAY THAT GOD HATH GIVETH ME OH BRIGHTEST OF DAWNS SUCH GLORIOUS BEAUTY THE EARTH HAS NEVER KNOWN!!!
Yes, I am mighty pleased. But strangely enough, I have absolutely no plans. Money is an issue. Boooooo. No money pffffft. I wanna play mahjong till my eyes pop out but I need people to do that with. I wanna roam around a huge bookstore and just breathe in the scent of paper on top of paper but then I'll be tempted to buy new paperbacks (I have a LONG list) and I have no money boo. I wanna write again but everything I do write is tragic and sad with seemingly no reason. And it's messy too. Boo. I wanna scoop ice cream part time and sneak some away for myself too and earn some money at the same time but I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO BOO. I wanna bake Nigella Lawson's AWESOME chocolate chip cookies but my mama has been unintentionally discouraging. Argh, why do people know my sort points? This is so frustrating.
What else do I want to do? I wanna strut into Tiffany and Co like I own the place and bask in it's gorgeous teal beauty (and check if they have the necklace that I want. Not that I would get it cos hello, NO MONEY but I like to know such prettiness really does exist.) I need to lose some weight. Exams tend to do that to me. It's not that I start eating more during exams, I just eat crappier food. Argh. I couldn't be bothered during exams because it was such a good excuse, "I'm STUDYING HELLOOOO!" but now I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted.
I always feel like I have to defend myself when I talk about my weight or my looks. So let's just get on with it. I get it, I am not fat. I've never thought I was and unless I put on 20 more Kg, I'm never going to think I really am fat. Thing is, you don't HAVE to be fat to be discontent with how you look or how bits of fat just seem to stick out. Truth is, I'll never be satisfied with how I look until I have a body like one of the SNSD girls, preferably Yuri. With Jessica or Sooyoung's legs. Lee Hyori will do just fine too.
It's not about whether you have enough body fat to be considered "Fat" or "overweight" or "obese" or "anorexic" or WHATEVER. It's about wanting something else, something better, something I think is better. And I'll never be satisfied till I get it. Blame it on the perfectly toned bodies I drown myself in on nearly a daily basis being in the Kpop fandom. :) I STILL LOVE ME THOUGH! :)
Okay. I should get back into the weekly swimming thing. And I haven't walked back from the train station in the longest time. I don't know why but the past few months have been strangely exhausting so each time I reach the bus interchange, I don't have enough energy to want to walk back, even if I have a lot of thinking to do.
Argh, Why is this picture SO appealing? It's the hair and the pretty red beret. I want one toooo. Though when the heck I'm ever going to wear it I do not know. Pretty curls! I wanna chop my hair to my collar bones and curl it nicely. But I love my long hair too much to do it.
Okay. It's time to clear sleep debt. Dear bed, wait for meeeeee. :)
So, my exams are over. Let me have a moment to proclaim my joy. EXAMS ARE OVER WOOHOOOOOOOOOO OH BEAUTIFUL DAY THAT GOD HATH GIVETH ME OH BRIGHTEST OF DAWNS SUCH GLORIOUS BEAUTY THE EARTH HAS NEVER KNOWN!!!
Yes, I am mighty pleased. But strangely enough, I have absolutely no plans. Money is an issue. Boooooo. No money pffffft. I wanna play mahjong till my eyes pop out but I need people to do that with. I wanna roam around a huge bookstore and just breathe in the scent of paper on top of paper but then I'll be tempted to buy new paperbacks (I have a LONG list) and I have no money boo. I wanna write again but everything I do write is tragic and sad with seemingly no reason. And it's messy too. Boo. I wanna scoop ice cream part time and sneak some away for myself too and earn some money at the same time but I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO BOO. I wanna bake Nigella Lawson's AWESOME chocolate chip cookies but my mama has been unintentionally discouraging. Argh, why do people know my sort points? This is so frustrating.
What else do I want to do? I wanna strut into Tiffany and Co like I own the place and bask in it's gorgeous teal beauty (and check if they have the necklace that I want. Not that I would get it cos hello, NO MONEY but I like to know such prettiness really does exist.) I need to lose some weight. Exams tend to do that to me. It's not that I start eating more during exams, I just eat crappier food. Argh. I couldn't be bothered during exams because it was such a good excuse, "I'm STUDYING HELLOOOO!" but now I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted.
I always feel like I have to defend myself when I talk about my weight or my looks. So let's just get on with it. I get it, I am not fat. I've never thought I was and unless I put on 20 more Kg, I'm never going to think I really am fat. Thing is, you don't HAVE to be fat to be discontent with how you look or how bits of fat just seem to stick out. Truth is, I'll never be satisfied with how I look until I have a body like one of the SNSD girls, preferably Yuri. With Jessica or Sooyoung's legs. Lee Hyori will do just fine too.
It's not about whether you have enough body fat to be considered "Fat" or "overweight" or "obese" or "anorexic" or WHATEVER. It's about wanting something else, something better, something I think is better. And I'll never be satisfied till I get it. Blame it on the perfectly toned bodies I drown myself in on nearly a daily basis being in the Kpop fandom. :) I STILL LOVE ME THOUGH! :)
Okay. I should get back into the weekly swimming thing. And I haven't walked back from the train station in the longest time. I don't know why but the past few months have been strangely exhausting so each time I reach the bus interchange, I don't have enough energy to want to walk back, even if I have a lot of thinking to do.
Argh, Why is this picture SO appealing? It's the hair and the pretty red beret. I want one toooo. Though when the heck I'm ever going to wear it I do not know. Pretty curls! I wanna chop my hair to my collar bones and curl it nicely. But I love my long hair too much to do it.
Okay. It's time to clear sleep debt. Dear bed, wait for meeeeee. :)
♥
12:14 AM.